• fat lip
• rash on both arms
• shirt reeking of American beer
• wilted Mohawk
• multiple asthma attacks
• behind-the-head guitar solo

Check times six.

The first band of the night was mewithoutYou, who were, for lack of a better term, bad. I don’t mean to be so harsh right off the bat, but come on: the singer (or should I say vocalist, since no actual singing was accomplished) was a flannel-jacket-wearing, beard-longer-than-your-hair-sporting, supposedly “emotive” gentleman. He was more than a little distracting, since the instrumentalists seemed to know what they were doing. The drummer, Richard Mazzotta, was sweet.

Next up was Dredg, whose noisy rock chanting deterred me in the past, but who have now gained a new respect in this reporter’s mind. The overall mood set by this band was epic, like U2 but with five more members. Dredge is not a nine-person band; it’s just that they covered a lot more ground than would be expected for a mere four-man set-up. The rhythm section seemed to tear the songs apart and put them back together all at once. Stars-style drumbeats mixed with squirrelly (read: compact and fuzzy) bass lines made for a strong foundation to build on. This groundwork allowed the uniquely talented other half of the band to really do it up. The guitarist commandeered our ears for 40 minutes with an ambient and intrusive assault of monstrosity-ness (ItsawordIlookeditup). This great wall of sound was topped by soaring vocals and bizarre accoutrements, courtesy of singer Gavin Hayes. Overall, this band created an awe-inspiring experience that left the aggro-crowd feeling a little emo-ed out.

Then came the Blood Brothers, who were hilarious. With the combination of dual Mick Jagger look-alikes screaming their guts out, token-black-guy-with-afro, and at least three organs on stage, they were ready to rock. Their hardcore-salsa grooves got the crowd pretty fired up, if not for the homosexual undertones of the singers. Imagine the Mars Volta’s live show, only slightly more sober, and slightly less Mexican.

Finally, it was time for Coheed and Cambria. Ah, Coheed. Your prog-punk epics never cease to amaze me. Your new album musically touches my innards in a way I’ve only let significant others touch them. That’s why I was happy to hear you play the first four songs of the new disc as the first four songs of the concert. The “CO-HEED” chants were plentiful until the opening lick of Welcome Home, the album’s Zeppelin-esque first single, lifted off Claudio’s guitar and into the souls of hundreds of musical miscreants. After that first riff, things got hectic. I had been expecting a mellower crowd for Coheed’s set; in comparison to the Blood Brothers, Coheed and Cambria could be considered to be pretty tame musically. But the crowd’s reaction suggested otherwise. Within the first minute of the song, I had my lip elbowed, my ribcage crushed, and my nose head-butted. Me and my moshing partner saw this as a great opportunity to “uppercut some punkasses” (to quote comedian Dane Cook). I sustained some injuries during those first couple of songs, yes, but we all learned something in that mad fury of teen angst – love for a band outweighs love for ridiculous hardcore metal.

Now, the first time I saw Coheed and Cambria (or as I like to call them, the C&C Music Factory) live, they seemed a little out of it. I had gone into that show doubtful that they could do the wonderfully produced “In Keeping Secrets of the Silent Earth” album any justice. My doubts were realized, and it didn’t help when the band members were all high and drunk. So, the only purpose I had in going to this recent concert, having seen their failed live show before, was my pure, unabashed love of beating up teenagers. But to my great surprise, C&C put on an amazing show, with the help of a new fifth touring member, and a newly adopted sober lifestyle. Sticking to the new album for most of their set, it was a delight to hear some old tunes, like Everything Evil, from their 2002 album “The Second Stage Turbine Blade”. These earlier songs ended up being the most hazardous to me and my mosh-buddy’s health. The crowd liked the old stuff, and I preferred the new stuff, so we were all happy in the end. To wrap up the show, the obvious The Final Cut was chosen, which also closes “Good Apollo, I’m Burning Star IV, Volume I: From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness”. Backed with a behind-the-head guitar solo, and a much needed water break for me and my crew, it proved to be a satisfying ending to a lovely and bloody evening.

In their current state, I recommend a Coheed and Cambria show to anyone, regardless of body mass or general disposition.

-Andrew Bondy